friends

you have to get to know a million people every day!! so that your brain is working and spinning all the time!! and then, when you talked to those millions of people, with their million different ethnical, religious and social backgrounds, when you listened to thousands of life stories, ideas and concepts, of plans, of failures and successes, of points of views and opinions, then you can go back to your friends and say:

i'm happy to have you

dancing couple

imagine a dancing couple:

if one is dancing very tight to the other, making no own moves, the other is happy to have a close partner in the first place. soon he will realize that he has to make the moves for both and feel thwarted. some can cope with this -- especially if they are a strong person or if they simply don't expect or even don't want the first person to take very much action.

normally though, the other would expect the first to move on his own, in fact in a concerted motion. that means both always moving into the same direction. most people are happy with this, since you share the same dancing experience and since you create great harmony. like this dancing is a lot of fun.

nevertheless the nature of a dance is still different

never again

no letter from you anymore,
no lovely glance, no flimsy touch,
no talking for hours, not the smallest word,
no cuddling up to eachother at a rainy day,
no offhanded messages in between to assure one's love,
no shared adventures in the outside world . . . .

nevermore

and never again -- i swear by god!

sexual independance

talking to friends about sexuality often, you will soon find out that women concede sex while men demand it. apart from sex is a subtle or open power game, the relationship is healthier if the relation between partners is inverted in these terms.
Women want it more often if they have to demand for it -- what is no specialty of women's behaviour but a general phenomenon referred to as cognitive dissonance in literature. that result of the psychological trick comes now for the benefit of the male, while it doesn't harm the feelings and emotions of the female. quite the contrary is more likely to happen to her: a certain elation will be evoked, since her partner doesn't seem to be dependant on her. so here we have a classical, let's call it 'win-notlose-situation', which can better the relationship on the whole.
so how do you change your role within the relation? first of all she can't do anything about it and it's even better she doesn't know about. it's his part to act. just let her come. pretend that you have to be moved and (non-verbally) convinced to sleep with her. if you succeed in this, please make sure that these are going to be great fucks, which satisfy all her needs. if you forget doing this, she will feel not attractive to you anymore.
once you have established this role change, the rest is easy. just enjoy the quality improvement both your relationship and your sex will experience;-)

j.s.

sometimes i'm scared how everything's changing that fast. time is passing by like a petty breeze under the door. what important stuff did you do in your life up to now? made the world a better place? let me guess: you had, and of course, you still have a big, fascinating, everything changing dream, not quite easy to realize. but of course one day you will realize it, i'm sure you will. it will satisfy your entire life, it will be appropriate to your personality and make you happy. it just needs a bit of preparation -- and that's exactly what you're doing right now! i can understand this! before beginning you need some more experience, some knowledge, more money, just some more time. you have to wait until your feelings indicate that this is the right moment to start, you simply have to be ready for your big dream. right?

please do me a favor!

die happy

you are afraid of dying. certainly -- but why?
what makes you special amongst myriads of humans? you think, your friends would care? you think you're too young or too busy or too safe, too unprepared, too much loved or anything to die? you think you're too happy right now? come on, that's ridiculous . . . . .
did someone already told you that you have to die anyway somewhen? so please, what's the fucking difference between dying in 10years and dying next week? or right now.
don't get me wrong, i don't want you to die right now. i just don't understand your fear, your anxiety.
death can be a last resort, a powerful instrument, a sacrifice to a loved person

i'd rather die than being old, feeling pain at every step.
you can see old people feeling pain at every step, not able to get into a car by themselves.
kill me before this is me!


a friend once told me :
'once i was waiting at a busstop, an old girl, already really ugly and with growth of hair in her face came up to me, asking with flashy voice: 'young man . . .' i raised my left brow. 'young man, could you help me please?' - 'of course' this is what i always say when i feel absolutely no motivation to help someone. 'when the bus comes, could you please scoop me into it by pushing my backside?' - 'of course', i sayed, raising my right brow also. i watched her body inconspicuously: of course i will never touch her soft, creasy booty. so the lady positioned herself where she expected the busdoor to stop, but the driver didn't oblige, he stopped a carlength beyond that imaginary point. the lady shivered of nervousness, wondering if she will miss the bus. i gave my best to calm her down and when we arrived the door finally and she was trying hard to get in, i helped her by pushing her hips, as i devised my plans before. but shit, i shouldn't have done it that way. she started screaming 'MY ASS!! I TOLD YOU!! YOU HAVE TO PUSH MY ASS!!'
fortunately 2 girls inside saw that misery and helped me, tearing her in by pulling her arms.
originally i wanted to use the same bus, but i didn't. didn't want to be the one to get her out also.'
what lack of dignity!

shut this blog

chili's world is easy to understand -- complicated and simple, sentimental and insensitive, like trying to find the right balance. no matter about what you talk to me, no matter what you want me to do -- i will do it and i will be good in doing that, but is this me? i've got enough power to do even nothing. you wanna go to a party? i will be the best partypeople! you want to talk about your feelings? i will finish your sentences! you want to be layed? i will give you the most intensive experience you ever made! you want to better the world? just go for it, i already started! you think you're coldhearted? you will never hurt close people like i do!
I'm proudly male and self-confident female,
I'm too young and already gray,
I'm not American, nor European or Asian, nor anything else,
I strictly believe in god, but i don't have the fire,
I'm a fucked up geek,
I'm an oldfashioned trendsetter,
I have friends all over the world but every day i'm sitting at home alone. I'm going out all night to meet myself rather than anybody else.
who am i?


and who are you?
join me or leave me alone! shut this blog!